Dr. Kimmel shares some broad categories of parenting in the Christian community.
1. Fear Based Parenting: “Scared of Hollywood, the internet, public school, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock music, rap, partying neighbours…” He goes on to say that the final product of this type of parenting is intimidated kids. They won’t have passion for people because they fear them, they may even become indifferent to or rebel against their parents, their church and God.
2. Evangelical Behavior Modification Parenting: Focuses on making sure that there is proper education, environment, information and absence of negative influence. He reveals 2 flawed assumptions. First, that the battle of raising a child is primarily external, when it is actually mostly an internal struggle. Second that a parents spiritual life can be transferred onto a child’s heart much like information is placed on a hard drive of computer. The outcome is a one dimensional, nice, together looking family. Unfortunately without the depth this type of family cannot endure hard times.
3. Image control Parenting: This is appearance focused parenting: Attending church on time, looking nice, saying nice things. Also the schools you attend, the movies you see, the amount of bible trivia you can spout off. etc. The shortfall of this is they are well meaning people making good choices for the wrong reasons. Kids can sense that they are living by a checklist and do not feel cared for in this facade.
4. High Control Parenting: This form is fueled by toxicity: fear, anger, shame, misused strength. Parents use their strength to control their kids and get them to meet expectations: Often selfish and unrealistic ones. High control parents are often blind to their devices and tend to morally justify their decisions. They are so sure they are RIGHT they can’t see that damage they are doing.
5. Herd Mentality Parenting: Follow the crowd from trend to trend: If it is extra curricular’s that others do they sign their kids up, if it is going to all of the church events, they do that. They don’t think as individual and don’t look to the specific needs of their family. They do not rely on prayer for guidance, observation of family members or plain old spontaneity.
6. Duct Tape Parenting: This is parental coping, they find temporary solutions, when crisis occurs. These families are running on empty. Too busy, too many bills and can only focus on the immediate and not the permanent.
7. Life Support 911 Parenting: Picking a crisis to focus on, they allow that to dominate their life. They cannot get away from it to build into the family. The crisis ends up being used as a crutch not to do other things.
Dr. Kimmel notes that all of these styles are rooted in fear. They are no fun for parents and steal joy from kids. Some parts of parenting should not be fun, we can all agree on that but, he concludes
“A home should be a place that brings the best out in everyone and grooms children for confident and effective adulthood.”
More to come,
Grace and Peace
Adam
